Tag Archive: death.


part two of my epic pain

So My last post ended

with things all a mess

about to be discharged

and us both in distress.

 

becoming more lucid

she was starting to recall

when like a hero of old

Her Doctor showed.

 

Her doctor did everything

that a great doctor should

 

She made sure my mom was clear headed

than they had a very long talk

She couldn’t go home so she was coming to me

by way of her friends house for the weekend

while I got things ready.

 

They made me my mothers medical power of attorney

which cut off all the others power

and my father was to stay with her

until she got to me, to make sure she had real care.

 

they would wait until the following day

for hospice and Me to meet

I went home that with a big sigh of releaf

 

The next day I showed up at my usual time

way before the am rounds at the 6 o clock

time.

My dad showed up right around ten

we all sat and waited than waited more

it wasnt until late afternoon that they called to say

sorry to just go ahead and go home

they would meet me early monday morning

right as we are to bring mom to my home

 

6 that evening I open the door to my daughters old room

and burt into tears because a tornade looked like it blew into the room

there was no way I could get it ready with now only one day

than my brother called to say he was on his way.

all through the night and to the end of sunday we cleaned

and carried he and my youngest kept going after

i collapsed out of steam.

 

its been three weeks now that i have been running on 2hours sleep each night

My man has been out of town for work since before the first hospital night

Mom and the Nurse show up the next day

she settles in and I say YEY!

 

My dad and the kid they adopted showed up the next day

its quiet but its just running and running all day.

The kid tells me he hates my brother and he will make him pay.

I didn’t think I forgot that this kid is bad

he manipulates, and terrorizes until its too late

and because he is labeled every time the cops get called

their hands are tied unless its really great.

 

The next day they show up again

this time my brother and his babies

are here and hell began.

My father was tired and fell asleep

i was cleaning my mother up and asked

the kid to lend a hand

 

He said yup

so i handed over the garbage can.

next thing I know there is this horrid sound

almost like a car had crashed so I ran toward the sound

 

The kid was standing there a smirk on his face

and my hutch with all that I had of my grandma’s antiques

was shattered all over my place.

I dropped to the floor and started to sobb

he was trying to tell everyone that my brother pushed him and he was calling the cops.

My daughter had seen the whole thing

the kid pushed it over and my twin nephews would’ove been hurt if my brother had not of ran

 

My dad is on his knees picking up broken glass

and the kid

(who is 17)

was calling everyone he could

to try to get someone to call the sherrif

 

The person who was listening

and why they talk I do not know,

is the woman who caused all the the problems

just a few days ago.

 

I grabbed the kids shoulder

and said get off the damn phone

He grabbed my wrist and squeezed until

my fingers were blue

all the while screaming

I can’t tell him what to do.

 

My poor dad didnt know what to do

He grabbed their stuff

and got the kid to go too.

 

My mother is crying

the babies are too

I’m cradling my wrist

with my my other already broken hand

thats when my feet said they could no longer stand

I was just wishing it would all end.

 

No of course not

because my troubles are not over

emails and phone calls start arriving

from my mothers kin

 

They know what She wanted and my home wasnt it

I need to honor her wishes

and let her go home

what I was doing keeping her there

was kidnapping and they were not having it.

 

Oh and also how could I stand by and let my brother

hurt the kid?

 

after over 100 emails phone calls and threats

My moms youngest sister was the only one

who didn’t believe the woman and the kid.

 

of course while all of this is going on

my mother is fading away by each and every hour.

hospice is coming every day

no longer eating, drinking and her voice is starting to fade

 

My mother made me promise that me and my daughter

would still leave to see my other girl

the following day.

 

that night me and my girls got disowned

by people that I have always loved.

My mother wispered ” where am I”

than closed her eyes and that was the last time I saw her eyes

 

The next day hospice came and picked her up

my brother riding along in the truck

My girl and I hopped on a plane

We found out that she passed away

as we waited for our next plane.

 

everyone had forgot to call

but anyway we were in seattle.

but somehow I know that my mother made sure

and we had to go, so she waited until we were gone.

 

I only cried last sunday

with my girls holding me saying “mom its gonna be ok”

not a single friend of mine has givin me a call

even when I left them them messages

telling them all.

i wouldn’t know what to say …even if they did call

 

I still cant seem to sleep at all

today was the first day I’ve seen my man

in a month and he only got to come home

because we were married 7 years today.

 

in another hour it will just be my daughter

and me

again and still

 

I know I did the best I could

I just wish they had understood.

loosing my mother came with a huge cost

my pockets are now emtpy

and I am lost

 

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before my mother asked if I would be her caretaker

she had one before.

This is a woman I have come to abhor.

 

The daughter of her best friend

it seemed alright at first

But then my moms body started to shut down

and everyone said it was the end.

 

inpatient hospice

is where she was sent

and this woman would not let any of us in.

My mother was dying and I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye.

 

But My mom got better and wanted to go home

that’s when This woman abandoned her and left her all alone.

She wouldnt give me moms records

and refused all of moms calls

thinking back now

i think she was afraid to have mom know what She did to us all.

 

So I started out without the slightest clue

but between my mom and me

we somehow made it through

things got easier. it soon became routen.

 

We knew her cancer wasnt stopping

and miracles were coming to an end

but neither of us expected that this last chemo

would not be her friend.

 

It shut down her abdomin

and we raced to the hospital

once again.

all they could do this time was manage her pain.

for two weeks we were there. twenty hours a day

I was right beside her.

 

We heard rumors that the hospital

was gonna let her go

what do I do now?

where do you go?

 

thats when she told me

hospice for her home

was all ready to go

all we had to do

was let the woman know.

 

(This is when the insanity began

and how do I wish it would now end)

 

I called The woman who had set it up

and thats when she told me and mom

that she had to give her dream up.

 

No one could get there

100 acres 40miles outside of town

since her driveway is a riverwash

if it rained, help would be squashed.

 

Find a place in town she said

than call her back.

All mom wanted was to go home

but staying with me she would feel safe

she just hated leaving my father alone.

 

We called the lady and set it up

but the look on my mothers face made me

want to go throw up.

When I left her that night I hugged her tight

and vowed to myself that I would try to make it alright.

 

I called every agency under our sun

a little before 1am as the last one hung up

I had to face it to myself

on this i had not won.

 

Exsausted and sore

I sleplt through my alarms

and only woke up at 8:30

because my phone had charmed.

 

It was my mother and she sounded so happy

She told me that her old caretaker was there

and it was nice to finally talk to her

She was going to be discharged and since She was already there

did I want to just try to rest and let her take my mother home?

 

Thinking I could look for more places

and it would help alot

I said sure just as long as she made sure

hospice would be there on the spot

no letting her go without some medical shortstop.

 

next thing I know as I answer my phone

my mother is sobbing and asking why I wont let her go home

her voice was like a childs

and she sounded so confused

I tried to remind her what hospice said they could not do.

 

I hang up and call Hospice to say its a go for my home

that the hospital is about to discharge her

and someone there had to show.

The person I was speaking to seemed a little off

so I called my mothers social worker to help

get all this across.

Thats when I learned Her old caretaker was playing boss

 

She told everyone hospice wasnt needed and to just let her go home

it was all set, my mom was headed home.

I was told to get to the hospital right away

for She still had the legal papers that gave her sway.

 

i called That woman up as I raced for the door

told her I was on my way

and she wasnt needed anymore.

She told me she wasnt leaving

and there was nothing I could do

 

I said I had it, and she needed to go

her personal threat to me made me loose it

and my daughter grabbed me before I fell to the floor

 

shaking and screaming for help I tore down the road

I flew into the hospital yelling for security

She had left my mothers ward right before we arrived

Mom was so confused

I was a mess

and that woman was still there trying to turn things

when We finally left.

 

But much happened in between

that ive still got to get out yet.

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