Off in the stark red darkness: poems written by my brother, Ben L.

My brother is a musician and a fine writer

it gives me great pleasure to be able to

share some of his work woth you.

“I don’t think you should ever be ashamed or afraid

of who you are, or anything that’s happened to you.

Life is good, man. You can either feel like a victim

all the time, or you can get off your ass and do

What you want to do.”

 

Benjamin P. Lombardi

Off in the stark red darkness

Off in the stark red darkness

I am touching this hell

Leaving everything I’ve come to know

I’m trying to remember how

I can’t grasp your deception

There is a vague notion in your voice

Losing everything all at once

Has left me with no choice

I know a man

Keeping me a sane distance

Leading me away

From everything I had to fear

Sheltering my pain

I’ve kept a closed disguise

I don’t exactly need direction

Nothing can ever open my eyes

I forgot plans of retention, reflection

—————————————-

Alive and Moving

 

Some days I’m just confused

My thoughts don’t align

The planets paint my path

My friends tell me what is right

I’ve learned to take it all

I am so dead inside

Today I’ve taken the wrong way

Today I lost what’s rightfully mine

I’m too accustomed to losing

What’s it like to go on

Accustomed to forgiving

What’s it like to be god?

Focused on

My eyes bleeding

Right now somehow

I don’t feel like being

How come

I cant be like you

Taken so much

I am too new

And full of such

Veins full of misconception

And this time I’ve learned something

Ill never be the one for rejection

I’ll let go of your forgiving

I’m too accustomed to losing

What’s it like to go on

Accustomed to forgiving

What’s it like to be god?

Focused on

My eyes bleeding

Right now somehow

I don’t feel like being

How come

I cant be like you

Taken so much

I am too new

And full of such

Hate

I wont give in this last time

I’m much to close to forget

Worse times have already been forgotten

All I want is to be alone again

Focused on

My eyes bleeding

Right now somehow

I don’t feel like being

How come

I cant be like you

Taken so much

I am too new

And full of such hate

——————————–

Alter

 

Great silent beyond

A place where nothing is wrong

Too many thoughts crowding up my mind

Some days I just run out of time

Come and let it go

I’m so tired and sick of feeling

I wonder sometimes what’s there

Is it wrong to want to stop dreaming?

Life is a redundant crime

Too much stealing of souls

If you want to take mine

Just give me a gun and some time

So I can let go for once

Try to sort things out

Here there is way too much thought

And way too much doubt

I don’t want to feel pain

Too bad that’s all that’s left

Since there is no God to punish

Just let me back up so I can finish

Fear of life has got me stuck

Who wants to end it knowing there is more

There is no weapon strong enough

To go through me and pierce the floor

Where I stand I have blood

A simple thing running out

Don’t think of this as an end

Think of it as a way to forget

So I can let go for once

Try to sort things out

Here there is way too much thought

And way too much doubt

I don’t want to feel pain

Too bad that’s all that’s left

Since there is no God to punish

Just let me back up so I can finish

Finish myself

—————————————————-

And it bleeds

 

Since its seems now that I’m failing

There isn’t anything worth saving

Not a single thought of prevailing

And so I move on

It’s taken a lot to come together

Such a small piece to fragment

How could it burrow so deep inside

This room is scattered with cries

It’s still the same old thing

And I can’t stop It

It’s still not worth living

And I want it

Shuffling through the dark

I’ve found a place to lie

I want to just rest right now

It would be too much to heal

It pulls me apart

Another thing to reach in deep

My soul, it has been raped

I don’t care to do much but sleep

Does it come away bloody

I feel a hand pierce the surface

I’m so weak that it takes nothing

To take away everything

And it hurts

My insides ripped

So many hands in me

Yet it has just begun to bleed

My wall has long since fallen

No love to keep out my hate

As nothing into everything evaporates

I’ve gone without a prayer

Its still the same old thing

And I cant stop It

Its still not worth living

And I want it

It pulls me apart

Another thing to reach in deep

My soul, it has been raped

I don’t care to do much but sleep

Does it come away bloody

I feel a hand pierce the surface

I’m so weak that it takes nothing

To take away everything

____________________________–

One more time I’ve been left

No friends and no kin

Not a single person around

To help me gain my ground

I thought I was sure

Everything would happen right

But that time I was wrong

And now I fear I’ve had too long

For now I can’t stand to see

I won’t be the one to forget you

Slipping away from me

I wish that it wasn’t true

So many mistakes and still we had so much time

I never even had the chance, to wish one last goodbye

Good terms they do now end

And everything is floating

Thoughts that lie above my head

Time is moving slowly

I’ll stand right here upon your steps

Grieving like a grandson

God be sure to make a place

For I am sure that she deserves one

For now I can’t stand to see

To know that I might forget you

Slipping away so slowly from me

And still I can’t hold onto

So many mistakes, and we had so much time

And yet we must’ve forgotten

This life we call it, this life of thine

Must be something never lost

____________________________-

Broken Dreams

 

Its nothing

I’m allowed to handle it

Your broken dreams

Taking a part of me

I saw this

It was something left for you to see

You’re wrong

You will die in reckoning

Broken and confused

I sit here forced to choose

I cant seem to see your true ways

I want to be here

But you wont let me live here

I got a broken noose around my neck

Time heals slow

You all knew that it was to be

Every second of mine

Committed to changing me

I thought I could handle

Guess my thoughts had betrayed

Too much to take in now

Once again I have turned to hate

Broken and confused

I sit here forced to choose

I cant seem to see your true ways

I want to be here

But you wont let me live here

I got a broken noose around my neck

My neck

I want, I want to stay

I want to be the one to say

I’ve had enough

I want to be , to have my own self

Turns out I have to rip it out

With you here

Broken and confused

I sit here forced to choose

I cant seem to see your true ways

I want to be here

But you wont let me live here

I’ve got a broken noose around my neck

———————————————————

Detergent

 

Everything’s the same

Nothing has changed

And it never will

I won’t accept it

Please just let me stop

I want to take it off

These oppressing chains

Killing me

I have but one true lie

I am still alive

Barely but its true

I can’t forget about you

So you are a friend

We’ll find out in the end

I can do but one thing right

I hope you enjoy it, tonight

These stains on my face

Will paint you all pictures

Of the broken tries

And all of my failure

Wipe it all away

I’ve got no more detergent

Can you say you’ve helped me out?

For that I am not certain

I have but one true lie

I am still alive

Barely but its true

I can’t forget about you

So you are a friend

We’ll find out in the end

I can do but one thing right

I hope you enjoy it, tonight

These words are but for one

I’m sure I’m not mistaken

That persons there for me

Can you hear me…?

 

 

Dressing Room

So, I’ve taken too much again

And I’ve disappointed all my friends

Got nothing to show in the end

What’s the point of starting again?

Forgetting all I ever was

I got a piece that I could have

Losing my mind simply because

All of your thoughts have mad me mad

And I come away with nothing

Showing you all my thoughts

Getting my share of something

Leaves me so distraught

I can’t handle this sickness

Every word details

More than a thought inside

Represents another tale

I can’t be anything you want

And I speak the truth

So much more I can achieve

But I’m stuck here under you

These thoughts they drag right through my mind

And I’m forced to deal with it

Tell me once more what’s the use

When you’ll never fit

And I come away with nothing

Showing you all my thoughts

Getting my share of something

Leaves me so distraught

I can’t handle this sickness

Every word details

More than a thought inside

Represents another tale

This is the last time I will speak

I don’t want to face it

And I’ve got nothing else to be

So tell me I am it

Everything

 

 

Right now this place I see here

No longer can I give in

You’ve let me get rid of fear

Your words have aided me

Too much stuff in the past

And now I can surely last

Every thought that it brings

Leaves the feelings inside me fleeting

Gone once more

So with you by my side

I’m allowed to run and hide

Why should I see my mind fit.

With all the pain left in it

Now there is you

Taking everything

My mind is forgotten

And so I’m leaving

Right now I’m here

A shell of a man

Give it up and give in

I know I never can

Teacher of my mind

You leave me a child

Tell me how to live

Give me what is mine

Now there is you

Taking everything

My mind is forgotten

And so I’m leaving

Right now I’m here

A shell of a man

Give it up and give in

I know I never can

you took my place

I do not ask you how

Now I am erased

What have I got to lose?

here I am

As you have requested

Trust I am a man

Tell me what I wanted

Self pity does control

These legs aren’t even mine

Take it over

I’ve gone and lost my mind

—-now there is only you, everything is yours, now there is only you, everything is yours

Father Figure

 

I feel sick
Sick and disguised
I’m waiting
For somewhere to hide
Lost and alone
With no one for me
To rape and disguise
To be like me

Now its time to finally be complete
Taking you adds onto me
Feel you slow and put myself inside
All I can see is pain in your eyes

And I cry alone to myself
I know that ill soon be in hell
But it matters not in life
I only want to hear your cries

Still I wait
For you to come
Wanting someone
Never alone
To hear myself
Call to me
What kind of father
Should I be?

Time passes slow now but its complete
Taking you only weakens me
Take you up slow and see inside
All of the darkness, begins to rise

And I cry alone to myself
I know that nothing will ever soon be well
You know it matters not in life
I don’t give a fuck about any of your cries
The pain in your eyes
Ill tell nothing but lies
With pain in your eyes
I will take your life
With hate in your eyes
I’ve got nothing to disguise

 

Just one more cut

I’m sure I’ve got it this time

There’s a river of hate beneath my skin

Encompassing what is mine

 

I don’t think you’d face it

Your only here to stop me from trying

I need to end this right here and now

I know your only afraid of what id find

 

Consuming my soul

Sometimes it feels

Yeah I have a bad side

I don’t want to hide

I know it to be a thorn

Slowly running loose inside

Thin like creatures yearn

So damn close they almost burn

 

Today I saw a friend

He told me to forget

I said I could regret

Every feeling a thing

 

If I could just move forward

It would no doubt soon be over

One more step to the right

Id be pushing up your flowers

 

But dirt tastes fine to me

I’ve got no friends to believe

I could do it real fast

But I want the pain to last

 

Consuming my soul

Sometimes it feels

Yeah I have a bad side

I don’t want to hide

I know it to be a thorn

Slowly running loose inside

Thin like creatures yearn

So damn close they almost burn

 

 

Flow

Just one more cut

I’m sure I’ve got it this time

There’s a river of hate beneath my skin

Encompassing what is mine

I don’t think you’d face it

Your only here to stop me from trying

I need to end this right here and now

I know your only afraid of what id find

Consuming my soul

Sometimes it feels

Yeah I have a bad side

I don’t want to hide

I know it to be a thorn

Slowly running loose inside

Thin like creatures yearn

So damn close they almost burn

Today I saw a friend

He told me to forget

I said I could regret

Every feeling a thing

If I could just move forward

It would no doubt soon be over

One more step to the right

Id be pushing up your flowers

But dirt tastes fine to me

I’ve got no friends to believe

I could do it real fast

But I want the pain to last

Consuming my soul

Sometimes it feels

Yeah I have a bad side

I don’t want to hide

I know it to be a thorn

Slowly running loose inside

Thin like creatures yearn

So damn close they almost burn

Friend of mine

 Little child

You wont even feel a thing

Little boy

You wont know that I am dying

In this place

There is too much of this lying

In disgrace

I will stop all you from trying

And I take it farther

So much harder

ill take it longer

Ill take it higher

One step into the future

another life long journey

This road is never ending

I tell you now I’m leaving

Today

My dear friend

So much you do not know

And I think that I like it

This way

I don’t want to hurt you

I don’t want to tell

Every single lie

That brought me to this hell again

And I take it farther

So much harder

ill take it longer

Ill take it higher

One step into the future

another life long journey

This road is never ending

I tell you now I’m leaving

Today

 

Little friend, I cant feel

Little friend, this place isn’t real

Little fucker, why’d you me screw that way

Life that’s ending, I say good bye today

And I take it farther

So much harder

ill take it longer

Ill take it higher

One step into the future

another life long journey

This road is never ending

I tell you now I’m leaving

Today

Gone From Me

 

 

Finish it now cause I’m tired

I don’t want it anymore

Cant seem to remember how to

Simply let it go

I used to be able to try

Now I come here useless

So tell me exactly what’s the use?

When I don’t know you?

Time is forgotten

So this life is shifting

I would really like to (like to, like to)

Like to forget

Tell me now its come for me

I haven’t yet begun to see

The reason behind and I’m

hiding deep inside my eyes

Failure

With your kindness you’ve bought me time

within your life you don’t understand

Your thoughts so far have distanced mine

Within my head is where I have friends

Up here so high I can be

Remembering what it was to fly

Fateful securities within this life

Long lastly seconds, the last of mine

So now your bound, you cannot leave

Your life is tied, inside I bleed

These moves of mine, are nothing to see

And so I laugh, your gone from me

Time is forgotten

So this life is shifting

I would really like to (like to, like to)

Like to forget

Tell me now its come for me

I haven’t yet begun to see

The reasons behind and I’m

already hiding deep inside my eyes

Failure
—————————————————————

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imposed

 

Teach me another way to tear you down

I cant let you take another step

Feeling this as it comes on deep

Fucking hear what I am saying

(Fucking hear that you shouldn’t be)

The darkened shroud of your life, Feeling this

Seeing through every single one of your lies, and I cant try

Moving as I find a piece of light, Finding life

Creeping onto your step, And taking what’s mine

(Tell me you don’t deserve it, I know the truth)

All I need is something to be

I don’t need you

My irrespective ways are nothing

I’m so close to you

All I know is that friends fight

Losing all I had to contain my life

You took what I needed right now

So I’ll proceed to tear you down

Tell me you don’t deserve it

Tell me you didn’t ever mean it

I cant listen to anything you have ever said

Its like a dream where everything is dead

(Tell me you don’t fucking deserve this shit, I know the truth)

All I need is something to be

I don’t need you

My irrespective ways are nothing

I’m so close to you

All I know is that friends fight

Losing all I had to contain my life

You took what I needed right now

So I’ll proceed to tear you down

I could never pretend to be

Everyone had something to tell me

How to act, how it is that I should be

Something inside slowly cracking

Shows every single soul what it is I’m lacking

Its easier to pass the hate

When nothing is truly wrong

Easy to sit and point

With nothing is wrong

(I know you deserve this, I wont hesitate)

I know you could earn this, so Ill tear you today

All I need is something to be

I don’t need the truth

My irrespective ways are nothing

Jump off the path to find what to see

All I know is that friends fight

Losing all I had to contain my life.

You took what I needed right now

So I’ll proceed to tear you down

Obstacle

 

Insecurity, I can tell you it comes from inside

This place of strangers, I hear nothing but lies

Standing here is nothing special in fact

I want my old life back

You couldn’t know the pain

The simple thought persuades

I would like to hide my shame

Could you take all of my hate

I don’t want to live

This life is just a flaw

Slip it away from here

I’m right back at the first wall

My obstacle

I’m sorry for all the trouble

I’ve given up on pretending

Flying is what I want

This is supposed to be living

There is too much shaken

Why should I smile

Back off my life

I want to grieve for a while

No one knows, no one cares, no one hears, no one stares

I’ve got these wounds, why should they see, too much to show

I feel so empty

You couldn’t know the pain

The simple thought persuades

I would like to hide my shame

Could you take all my hate

I don’t want to live

You stand in my way

Rip it away from here

I’m just here to fear,

My obstacle

 

PAST

 

Can you go ahead and push it

Here and now is life

Wanting to forget

Wanting to just try

I guess I am too wasted

To ever be your type

Ill never be the one who

Will tell you more than lies

Forget the past

I will not live there

There is a lot to regret

And even more to fear

Take your hand in mine

Ill tear the walls right down

Forget all the pointless looks

And just continue on

I’m sorry for trying

I got nothing in the end

What do I have to show

But a couple of lost friends

Shouldn’t have said it

It broke us all apart

Take out all the drama and

Take a piece of my heart

Forget the past

I will not live there

There is a lot to regret

And even more to fear

Take your hand in mine

Ill tear the walls right down

Forget all the pointless looks

And just continue on

Reality

 

What have we got to lose

Everything real is gone

Together we will laugh

Not knowing this life is wrong

There is too much around to tell

I have every thought inside

Nothing here to compel

What it takes to take it back again

Come on I have nothing

I know you’ll take it away

Fuck it, how’s this living

Today we’ll see the way

I cant feel my fingers

I cant feel the pain

What it takes to take away

Too much hate to place the blame on shame

Linking my reception

I realize I can have

What you have forsaken

Me to ever have

I still cannot dream

With you by my side

So get away from me

Let me have my lies

Come on I have nothing

I know you’ll take it away

Fuck it, how’s this living

Today we’ll see the way

I cant feel my fingers

I cant feel the pain

What it takes to take away

Too much hate to place the blame on shame

 

Shout It Out

Something about this place leaves me breathless
Something here makes me seem worthless
Time here only makes me believe the truth
I don’t ever want to be alone with you

I can’t stand to be here
I’ve tried, can’t even begin to adhere
Everything your life gives out
Only leaves me with something else to shout
But you can’t hear

I come to my room much to mad to live
You come by my side, as If I have something to give
Just realize I want nothing from your mouth
Nothing but something inside to take out
To take out

I can’t stand to be here
I’ve tried, can’t even begin to adhere
Everything your life gives out
Only leaves me with something else to shout
But you can’t hear

You take too much for me to live
I see
Your thoughts they rape right through me
And You
Leave me nothing to think about
And I
Want nothing more to shout it out
Ill rip it out

I can’t stand to believe
I can’t stand to just sit here and grieve
You expect everything to just come on out
But I’ve only been able to cut and gouge
Now you know, with everything I had ever known pushed aside
And life as we know it is simply a lie
I find I have nothing to fear
If only you could hear

I can’t stand to be here
I’ve tried and I can’t even begin to adhere
Every thought your life gives out
Only leaves me with something else to shout

But you can’t even hear
I wont ever be here
I wont ever fear
I wont ever be here
Cause you will never hear

Sickness

I’m on the last step
Its time to go to bed
I cant get all these thoughts
Out of my fucking head

She wants me to continue
I’m drunk off my ass
There is this bottle on the floor
Like it I will not last

Trust me I am broken
Some god has cracked me down
Taken the tip and wrecked it
Slowly lost what’s found
My pieces lay all over
Its takes so much to fix
Something tells me its my fault
That I cant take it

So I have another
Waste away my time
Taking all the shit and
Compressing it in wine

I’m much too big to say it
But I’m small enough to fit
Ill crawl in that same bottle
And quickly drown in it

Trust me I am broken
Some god has cracked me down
Taken the tip and wrecked it
Slowly lost what’s found

My pieces lay all over
Its takes so much to fix
Something tells me its my fault
That I cant take it

What better time to rip it off?

I cannot yet return

This hate has dug a hole in me

And I still haven’t learned

Dealing with your dismal shit

Every day it burns

Fucking take a look at it

Tell me what I yearned

Learning suffering

Its all the same thing

The lies that you bring

Leaves me nothing

I want to take it

Your life as well

Tell me what I need

I’ll let you know the end

So the end is very near

you have slit my wrists

Tell me what I need to fear

Let me take a bit

I cannot stop it here

There’s no better time than now

Let me take a sip of it

And Ill tell you how

Chorus

I cannot, stop it

I will not, leave it

I cannot, feel it

I cannot let you go

I cannot, stop it

I will not, bring it

I will not, end it

Letting you go

Learning suffering

Its all the same thing

That lies that you bring

Leaves me nothing

I want to take it

Your life as well

Tell me what I need

Ill let you know the end

Trapped by the Love  

 

Collaboration of: Ben,-Tre,- and,- Mia Lombardo 

 

Trapped by the love, hate and despair

I look for the truth hiding behind the glare

you had forgotten all that you have done

you think I was the only one?

All the lies are starting to fall

no one to help you get though it all

I will never forgive your lies

all the things i’ve come to dispais

i sit and laugh as i cry,

knowing that you will realize

all the hate and all the crys

that you dealt through to my eyes…

You thought you could bring me down?

you thought you could bring us down?

you think your shit don’t stink

You think your better than me

I’m sitting on my thrown

I’m sitting… and i’m not alone.

you can never hurt us now,

never hurt us now.

You have turned into a clown.

or paper king.

what you say don’t mean a thing.

no longer can you make me cry,

i’m tired of hiding behind the lies.

too tired to even care.

just how much shit you even dare,

you will never bring me down

you will never bring us down.

you fucking joke of a clown.

Turn On You 

 

Something tells me to try

Ill take a guess and make a cut

Tell me little mother fucker

Does it let me take your pain farther?

Stay at this all night

Fuck all my work cause I’ve found what is right

And I’ve got everything to show

I have a trophy in you

Just let me be the only one

Ill be there for you

Much like you were for me

Only without blasphemy

If you didn’t think id know

It must be a goddamn shame

To find out that it spread and

Right now I own the game

I’m sorry little friend

I cant stop the pain

Too much fun for me to refrain

A lot of blood and I’ve lost my mind

Oh its just a little to much for you
A bit too much for you

A little too deep for you

I’m not even close to being through

Just let me be the only one

Ill be there for you

Much like you were for me

Only without blasphemy

If you didn’t think id know

It must be a goddamn shame

To find out that it spread and

Right now I own the game

Shit, I’ve gone and fucked up again

Seems that I’ve turned on my best friend

I got this little small pet peeve

I cant stand to let you get the best of me

Just let me be the only one

Ill be there for you

Much like you were for me

Only without blasphemy

If you didn’t think id know

It must be a goddamn shame

To find out that it spread and

Right now I own the game

Wasting 

 

Once I’m left

I cant go back

I’ve found out that

Nothing is right

I don’t know you

Our house is gone

I’m forced to abandon

Dreams of moving on

You don’t think of process

I want to move on

Were wasting away

We’re wasting today

Doing nothing once more

Comfortable in nothing

I can’t feel this place

Were wasting away

Were failing our faith

Sitting here disgraced

I found the path

Not as clear as you’ve hoped

I guess it was the fear

That stopped us

Still you know nothing

Now I cant stop hearing

I cant stop leaving, I cant stop being

The bane of your existence

You don’t think of process

I want to move on

Were wasting away

We’re wasting today

Doing nothing once more

Comfortable in nothing

I cant feel this place

Were wasting away

Were failing our faith

Sitting here disgraced

Wrong  

 

Time alone

I find you are no one

I have no clue

Who you are supposed to be

I struggle

Its placement is very strange

The hate that your eyes bring

Leads me to a brand new thing

A Place inside myself

A place that I cant tell

Chorus:

I laugh cause I cant cry

There is something wrong with me

don’t want to talk now

I just want to back up and breathe

Interesting secrets

They keep me far from you

We are not true friends

There is nothing bad in you

Leaving I know I’ve said it before

This hearing is a problem that I’ve ignored

Time along leads me nowhere

Leaving, this life is so much more

Tell me once why you took it

I want to take it back

Scream and deceive

It makes me want to leave

A place inside myself

A place that I cant tell

Chorus:

I laugh cause I cant cry

There is something wrong with me

Don’t want to talk now

I just want to back up and breathe

Interesting secrets

They keep me far from you

We are not true friends

There is nothing bad in you

This fucking child hurts

Its not enough to go home

I have to come here

I guess I should have learned

This place is not for eating

I felt it long ago

This place is just for bleeding

It’s the only thing I know

Chorus:

I laugh cause I cant cry

There is something wrong with me

Don’t want to talk now

I just want to back up and breathe

Interesting secrets

They keep me far from you

We are not true friends

There is nothing bad in you

You know its time,Don’t worry 

 

You know its time dont worry

(I already gave up)

The pressure is close,

(I wanted a place to rest)

Its right down to the line,

( A Place to breathe)

Only a second at most

(A place with only me.)

It starts to close in

(so i give you this…)

Moves too rapidly

(A gift in return..)

I just can’t win

(You get on your knees,)

Who’s to say I’m free?

(I’ll let you continue to live)..

Hate has Evolved 

 

I’m already dead inside

So just let me be

Why is it that youv’e waited so long

To finnaly get to know me

Everyone becomes invcolved

When charity is the case

I never asked for your help

Just get out of my face

All my friends bother me

Asking me questions of the past.

So I’m nothing more than a simple mistake

Mistakes never last

All of my friends ask me questions

Of what it is that bothers me

I don’t have the balls to say,

That it’s them..

They don’t know me.

You can’t forget, cause it’s still on the floor

Don’t know who I am, Cause I can’t spell.

Once I’m Gone, Be sure to remember,

That I never laughed

Untitled 

 

I hate myself

And it’s so right to me

I feel like I can’t change

I just hate living

I hate myself

And I know it’s so right

So wrong to deny

Everything that I have tried.

But…

It’s so right.

Forgot about you 

 

Am I

A friend.

I couldn’t tell you anything

This amnesia gets me down

Am I

Afraid

I wouldn’t know where to begin

Or what I should say.

Chorus….

And still you look at me across here

Acting like I have something to say.

You are still looking to me

Asking me to stay.

And if I could see your scars

I’d take them away.

But if I had somewhere to go

I wouldn’t hesitate.

You turn

Your back

Still walking away this time cause

To you I’m not the same man.

A second

Our lives

Everything has fallen

I still know that I can.

Be everything you could hope for.

Nothing you can hate

Everything that you could love..

Nothing all at once.

Chorus.

 

 

Second 

I’m not angry about this

I just keep it inside

All you do is pick at me

Hoping I’ll believe this time.

I only have a few friends here

They know exactly who they are

You stand by my side still asking questions

Forgetting I’;m not who I was before.

I’ll borrow your sorrow.

I’ll borrow your cries

I’ll take everything in your eyes.

Chorus

So clishe it’s discusting.

Look at what you’ve done

Turned me into someone loathing

Everything they’ve become

It’s all so close

I can’t take it.

I feel it burning up in me.

Take a look and then I find it.

This is what I’m ment to be.

You used me again

I wanna give this up.

My façade is starting to burn,

I’m still at a place where I can’t learn/

I’m at a place where I’ve had enough

I’m closing this stand –(your sorrow)

This bitter product your selling –(your cries)

I want what I had, –(everything)

I don’t want anything…–( in your eyes)

Chorus

 

 

Never Mattered 

 

All I want to know is when?

How did this exactly begin?

The waves of pain confront the truth,

The matter of this this me back to you.

I color everything dark.

It’s eiaser to express

The words are for my ears alone.

It has never mattered,

And it’s never going to.

Chorus:

Does any of this hide you?

I am only here to forget.

Times are moving,

Leaving everything.

I have something new.

My Only hurt lies within you.

I have something that you never knew.

This has never mattered,

And it’s never going to…

Decide what you really want.

You can’t place it in me, no matter what.

I would’ve walked this earth 100 times over,

Just to understand my anger.

Where are we in all this?

You’ve found a new beginning.

I’m back at the start of things.

Hell bent on just living.

Chorus:

Does any of this hide you?

I am only here to forget.

Times are moving,

Leaving everything.

I have something new.

My Only hurt lies within you.

I have something that you never knew.

This has never mattered,

And it’s never going to…

This time is dangerous.

The Threat is real,

The pain we face.

There isn’t an amout of pills,

That could fix what I feel.

All I want to know is when,

How exactly did this begin?

The waves of pain confront the truth,

The matter of this leads me back to you.

I color everything dark.

It’s eaiser to express,

When you have been shown,

These words are for my years alone.

It has never mattered,

And it’s never going to.

Chorus:

Does any of this hide you?

I am only here to forget.

Times are moving,

Leaving everything.

I have something new.

My Only hurt lies within you.

I have something that you never knew.

This has never mattered,

And it’s never going to…

 

Trapped 

 

I wish we hadn’t done the things we did
Things were different, back when we were kids
I remember the fights we used to have
I’ve forgotten the lies, its become much to mad
Warnings do nothing to scare
I’ve seen the truth
To far to Compare
Life without you seems to be only a glare
The mirror crashing as we begin to fear
Life, the thoughts have crept behind us
Hate, has soon become part of love
I wish I had never relayed all my cries
Where are you now god, I’ve only begun to despise

Traped by the love,hate and dispare

i look for the truth hiding behind the glare

you had forgotten all that you have done

you think i was the only one?

All the lies are starting to fall

no one to help you get though it all

I will never forgive your lies all the things ive come to dispise

i sit and laugh as i cry, knowing that you will realize

all the hate and all the crys that you dealt through to my eyes..

 

 

You’ve Never Known.

I bite my tongue for you

Running around in innocence.

I’ll Push till it’s finally through

Just to end your innocence.

 

Can you see past the rose?

Or does it consumes your sight?

I think you should forget what you know,

And open your eyes.

 

Chorus-

We all know the truth in this system.

What does it take to finally let this go?

No one ever knows the hate within them,

Until you come around and make it show.

You thought this was all there was?

But there’s much more to know.

You Thought that this was all..

But you’ve never known.

 

It seems so simple.

Till it’s down on my paper.

But you don’t know this,

Because I’ have made it.

 

The bloods on my hand.

And the house is crying.

Why am I writing this?

(As I am writing this)

It’s my own way of trying.

( I feel like I’m denying.)

 

 Chorus-

 

We all know the truth in this system.

What does it take to finally let this go?

No one ever knows the hate within them,

Until you come around and make it show.

You thought this was all there was?

But there’s much more to know.

You Thought that this was all..

But you’ve never known

 

 

 

Trying 

 

 

 

It always seems the same.

That you are not to blame.

And everything close to us,

Is slowly crashing.

This room is full of hate

(This room is full of hate)

Even though the names,

(Even it’s a game)

Of Everything,

(Life is something)

Were denying

(That we are denying,)

But all of this is fake.

And you should be real.

While everything is broken,

Take this time to heal.

I would have thought you’d have learned,

With all the things you’ve heard.

While the pain hurts,

You are still here lying.

I would’ve gave my soul to you,

Just to make you whole.

As long as you are saying.

That I am Trying.

waste my fears

 

I forgot my hate as your life passed by

Not a second touches me now

I had it shoved back down my throat again

Everyone is testing me now

Ill waste my fears away again

As everything slips by

Ill forget my pain again today

You can see it in my eyes

Today i lie for the last time

I already see it done

All of this would be over if i tried

I could be the only one

Id cut it away again if i could

But im locked inside this room

No room in this family for the unstable

Leave me here, I want you to

The feeling of it is gone

I can taste its blasphemous

I can feel it as its passing now

The truth is it doesn’t exist

Ill waste my fears away again

As everything slips by

Ill forget my pain again today

You can see it in my eyes

Today i lie for the last time

I already see it done

All of this would be over if i tried

I could be the only one

Should i get up one more time

Just to slam back down

Should i give up one more time

Just so you can win

With everything around me

I cannot feel my mind

This is the way that you can win

If you control what’s mine

”

Nowhere can a secret keep always secret, dark and deep, half so well as in the past, buried deep to last, to last. Keep it in your own dark heart, otherwise the rumors start. After many years have buried secrets over which you worried, no confidant can then detray all the words you didn't say. Only you can then exhume secrets safe within the tomb of memory, of memory, within the tomb of memory The Book Of Counted Sorrow."

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