Category: judging

The demon grabs hold again
I try and fail in my sin.

The demon laughs while holding me in place.

I thought I beat you!

I scream in his face. 

I thought I won!

I thought I was free!

“Oh dear child 

you’ll never beat me”

His grasp so hard

 against my frame

Losing sight 

my breath 

my name.


He picks me up

 and cradles me tight

I can barely see his face

 in my dimming sight. 

Reaching up

 I stroke his face.

Don’t you know i didnt want to fight you in the first place? 

I remember you 

from when I was small. 

You would pick me up

after a fall.

Brush off my knees 

cuddle me tight

 I knew then i would be alright. 


I don’t know what I did 

for you to hate me so.  

But I wish you could 

Just let it go. 


I know you wont …

and thats ok

I know In my heart …

that I die today .

 But before you kill me

 I want you to know,

 I have always dearly 

 loved you so. 

Each time we fight

Wither I lose or win

All I want is to rebegin

To that time in the past

Before this hatred that’ll forever last.

Before the fire and the pain

Please tell me ,did I ever know your name?

My hand drops away 

from his face. 

I surrender myself

 in his embrace


To tired to fight him  

No longer caring 

if I win 

Giving up. 

Giving in..

I lay here fading 

being rocked in his grasp

Giving up my future

Forgetting my past. 


Peace at last. 

From far away I hear these words

“Oh dear child

We’re not through”

“I have never been angry with you”

“It is with love

 that I draw my blade

I’m trying to save you

Before it’s to late

With love that we battle 

when I let you win

Oh dear child I’m not your sin.”

Im doing now 

what I did back then

I dust you off 

wipe the blood from your chin 

I kiss the oweys on your knee 

Just as I did 

when you were wee.

This time next month 

You’ll have forgotten 

once again

That I am not your darkness

I am your friend.  

One day we will battle

 fighting until the bitter end

 Or until you finally see 

 the truth 

Or we are together 


Once again.

Do they see the demon I try to hide?

That twisted soul within the light? 

Do they see the shock?

 The sex? The lie? 

So pissed off I want to cry. 

Where oh where did the 

lightworker go? 

wanted to continue as her

 you know. 

Where óh where did she flee? 

Thanks alot bitch. You were part of me! 

Do they see I’m finally together? 

Do they see that I’m finally whole? 

Do they see the shock? The sex? My cry? 


I truly believed in the lie.  

I walked thru the fire 

Found those hidden me.

At least that is what I thought

Thought I was free.

The beast within me clawed me apart.

Tearing me to pieces with no place to start.

Not until I faced the  truth

 denying myself since my youth 

Demons faced 

Thought I stood tall

Until I realized I was about to fall

The beast broke free 

I went over the edge.

Clawing and clawing to hold the ledge.

Falling ..

I shattered…

All over the place.

Falling ..

I shattered. ..

But kept my face. 

Broken I lay there

Trying to breathe.

Broken I awoke

 to learn about me.

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