Alive ( sequel to Survivor)

Alive.

Last you recall
My husband loved me right
But now he hits me in his sleep
In the middle of the night.
~
Marriage still open?
You wanna know?
Yup same as always
Just goes to show.
~
Well. .
Let me continue this tale of mine
~
Stay awhile, put up your feet.
~
So…
I was fading fast in the Arizona heat.
Many tragedies n illness
Left me a bed ridden heap.
•
Not wanting to die yet
Refusing to quit.
•
I Left town with a plant
my  daughter
Laptop and dog
~
my wheelchair and a blanket
We said goodbye to tucson
which was strangely covered in fog
~
Thinking He would be able to grab the rest of our things
all our belongings our everything
~
Once he arrived from another
month long trip.
•
A year later. .. zip.
•
Striking out to a place unknown
Only knowing it would be my new home. To Seattle we drove
My daughter and me.
~
To the place where I became
Something more. …
•
free.
•
Of course there was a price
Hello! It’s me!
•The price is hard
•
For me to share…
~
One almost to much to bare
Even though I made it out of that horrid forsaken wheelchair.
~
I lost my animals, my cars ,
all my money and land.
In order to save…
My brother.
An honorable man.
~
Every debt collected
Called in every favor known
Even used ” Duchess” that my birthright bestowed.
~
Leaving me without a single thing
Not even my wedding ring.
Made it past for me to keep
clear and free.
~
Father heartbroken
He splintered like glass
He blames his only daughter for
leaving him alone to raise his last.
~
Husband in shock with only me to blame.  His wealth unreachable
Unless he rejoins His family and picks up the reigns.
•
They don’t see him .
•
For shame.
~
Daughter in shock
it had just been she n Me
She panics often
Hates for me to leave
•
her side
•

“What happens if you fall mom
have a seizure ?get raped or die? Better stay inside mom
So I can hear if you cry. ”
~
You gotta let me grow up sometime. I tell her as I race outside.
I run to the forest where I hide.
~
May this year that was the worst. My van said I did 400 thousand miles
I now need a hearse.
• And keeled over dead
•
In an intersection of course.
~
My only baby my beloved Doxie
did as he should.
Tried to protect me and bit someone good.
~
I sobbed as they took him away
Heart shattered a bit more as they drove away.
•
as I knew I would never see
•
My beloved Doxie after that day.
~
Birthday came.
no presents, No way.
Just my eldest daughter calling
to say yey!
~
Oh wait. .
•
I forgot my broken foot
•
Oh yes. . My birthday was good.
~
I’m sure you’re thinking
Some pitiful thoughts
Either that or …
man that girl fibs alot!!!
~
How much shit can you think up girl?
•
You sad little sop.
•

Here is where I remind
of my promise to you.
•
I will not lie to me
•
nor to you.
~
Do you see all I’ve gone through? If I can make it?
So can you.
~
Doesn’t matter what hell
I’ve gone through.
•
What matters is hopefully
•
maybe
•
my story will help get you through
~
your sorrow, your grief, your pain.
~
Help you stand
AND
remember your name.
~
You’re allowed to sob
Curse the heavens
•
To blame. 
•
But in the end
You must stand tall in triumph
Not shame.
~
One thing I hope to get through to you now.
~
Life is hell
it’s ok to get blue.
~
But I promise
somehow
•
some day
•
You WILL make it through.
~
It’s not enough to simply survive
Find one simple good thing each day of your life.
~
A cloud.
Someone’s laugh
the smell of pie.
~
One day you will start to trive.
That is when ..
~
you will truly..
•
come alive.

Luna.

Advertisement

Luna Wanes

Why didn’t anyone believe me
I tried everything
It took 11years to discover I needed the cdc.

Now will they help me before its to late
I always knew I was born for something great.
Hopefully its to help others escape my fate.

What doctors take it all in?
Reach for unknown territories
To take a new spin.

No office I have ever been in.
The last time I got on my knees
And begged pretty please
All I got was “you need a shrink, not me”

‘But here look! Physical proof!’
“That is impossible”
He stated quite aloof.

It is killing me
Can’t you see?
Stop wondering why you can’t figure me out
And the diagnoises keep changing about.

I’m getting so tired
I can’t even think.
And the pain is now so bad Ive started to drink.

__________

March of this year
With thundering cheers
Obama qouted Albert.

Insanity is doing it over & over
Looking for another result
Say that! To those that hurt.

For 11years
Amongst tons of jeers
From those I dearly love

I have tried and failed
To break the spell
In images, in prove withheld.

But finally persanal justice I’ve gained
Amongst, the blood, tears & pain
All it took was a camera phone
To pick up the truth I have known

Do I even still have it in me?
To continue to fight?
I pray I do with all my might.

I’ve lost my sight
For days in one eye
My hair gone for months no lie

That really made me cry
Nails fell off in bleeding pools
Whispering that the doctors are all such fools.

Sores all over
People stop and stare
Yes I care!

Can’t be hot or cold
And it all gets old
When I hear
“That’s a druggie right there”

Can’t breathe
Can’t eat
Pooing is a special treat

I won’t even mention my brain or heart
Better to not even start
Beliving I’m coming apart.

_______

I will tell you what has done me in
Mans alternitive to the asbestos sin.
Their 180 rats can not be wrong

If people get hurt the fibers don’t stay long!
Well yes workers bring them home
But the threat to the family naw, old song.

What? Fiberglass in your skin?
Try to find out more about it
Resources are thin!

( a secret I realized after 11years?
Universities have those special hidden links
To share among their peers)

Finally armed with truth and ammo
Sleep takes ahold again.
WHAMO!

My family? Well their sick now too
My eldest hasn’t even been home
In over a year or two.

______

A special warning
I now do impart
Don’t be like me
And get a head start.

New carpet, carliners
Insallation too, brakepads
Ac pads the liners too.

When fresh its unsettled
And you breathe it right in
And that rash or little sore on your skin?
Its another way in.

They sparkle in dark when light hits just right
And heat, electronics? Fiberglass delight.
Many kinds and flavors
Just look at your rake

Did your skin burn when you grabbed it?
Its not to late.
Get to your sink and in circular motion
Wash ur hand in normal temp rate.

Throw away the towel
Never use it again
They are just waiting there
Ready to go back in.

I tell you all this to please take head.
For I truly think
It may be to late for me.

Luna is waning
Hoping for a way
To shine bright again.
__________

Ten minutes in the heat.

My head the next day.

Fingers

My eye.

Forearm 1st day

2nd

Than 3rd day

Nothing to help the pain go away.

Smaller ones one hour in my van

 

CAN YOU NOW MAYBE UNDERSTAND?

its my whole body. every single inch

they spring out like someone used a wench.

 

All because someone hit me driving my brandnew car.

No miles on it but 2 and I didn’t get all that far.

Its taken weeks but this poem is finally finished
Getting online long, makes me to diminished.

Love to all
I miss your bright lights
Your poetry helped me continue
Till thiss very night.

Love,
Luna