The Demon..wins..?

The demon grabs hold again
I try and fail in my sin.

The demon laughs while holding me in place.

I thought I beat you!

I scream in his face. 

I thought I won!

I thought I was free!

“Oh dear child 

you’ll never beat me”

His grasp so hard

 against my frame

Losing sight 

my breath 

my name.

 

He picks me up

 and cradles me tight

I can barely see his face

 in my dimming sight. 

Reaching up

 I stroke his face.

Don’t you know i didnt want to fight you in the first place? 

I remember you 

from when I was small. 

You would pick me up

after a fall.

Brush off my knees 

cuddle me tight

 I knew then i would be alright. 

 

I don’t know what I did 

for you to hate me so.  

But I wish you could 

Just let it go. 

 

I know you wont …

and thats ok

I know In my heart …

that I die today .

 But before you kill me

 I want you to know,

 I have always dearly 

 loved you so. 

Each time we fight

Wither I lose or win

All I want is to rebegin

To that time in the past

Before this hatred that’ll forever last.

Before the fire and the pain

Please tell me ,did I ever know your name?

My hand drops away 

from his face. 

I surrender myself

 in his embrace

 

To tired to fight him  

No longer caring 

if I win 

Giving up. 

Giving in..

I lay here fading 

being rocked in his grasp

Giving up my future

Forgetting my past. 

Finally

Peace at last. 

From far away I hear these words

“Oh dear child

We’re not through”

“I have never been angry with you”

“It is with love

 that I draw my blade

I’m trying to save you

Before it’s to late

With love that we battle 

when I let you win

Oh dear child I’m not your sin.”

Im doing now 

what I did back then

I dust you off 

wipe the blood from your chin 

I kiss the oweys on your knee 

Just as I did 

when you were wee.

This time next month 

You’ll have forgotten 

once again

That I am not your darkness

I am your friend.  

One day we will battle

 fighting until the bitter end

 Or until you finally see 

 the truth 

Or we are together 

Finally 

Once again.

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Alive ( sequel to Survivor)

Alive.

Last you recall
My husband loved me right
But now he hits me in his sleep
In the middle of the night.
~
Marriage still open?
You wanna know?
Yup same as always
Just goes to show.
~
Well. .
Let me continue this tale of mine
~
Stay awhile, put up your feet.
~
So…
I was fading fast in the Arizona heat.
Many tragedies n illness
Left me a bed ridden heap.
•
Not wanting to die yet
Refusing to quit.
•
I Left town with a plant
my  daughter
Laptop and dog
~
my wheelchair and a blanket
We said goodbye to tucson
which was strangely covered in fog
~
Thinking He would be able to grab the rest of our things
all our belongings our everything
~
Once he arrived from another
month long trip.
•
A year later. .. zip.
•
Striking out to a place unknown
Only knowing it would be my new home. To Seattle we drove
My daughter and me.
~
To the place where I became
Something more. …
•
free.
•
Of course there was a price
Hello! It’s me!
•The price is hard
•
For me to share…
~
One almost to much to bare
Even though I made it out of that horrid forsaken wheelchair.
~
I lost my animals, my cars ,
all my money and land.
In order to save…
My brother.
An honorable man.
~
Every debt collected
Called in every favor known
Even used ” Duchess” that my birthright bestowed.
~
Leaving me without a single thing
Not even my wedding ring.
Made it past for me to keep
clear and free.
~
Father heartbroken
He splintered like glass
He blames his only daughter for
leaving him alone to raise his last.
~
Husband in shock with only me to blame.  His wealth unreachable
Unless he rejoins His family and picks up the reigns.
•
They don’t see him .
•
For shame.
~
Daughter in shock
it had just been she n Me
She panics often
Hates for me to leave
•
her side
•

“What happens if you fall mom
have a seizure ?get raped or die? Better stay inside mom
So I can hear if you cry. ”
~
You gotta let me grow up sometime. I tell her as I race outside.
I run to the forest where I hide.
~
May this year that was the worst. My van said I did 400 thousand miles
I now need a hearse.
• And keeled over dead
•
In an intersection of course.
~
My only baby my beloved Doxie
did as he should.
Tried to protect me and bit someone good.
~
I sobbed as they took him away
Heart shattered a bit more as they drove away.
•
as I knew I would never see
•
My beloved Doxie after that day.
~
Birthday came.
no presents, No way.
Just my eldest daughter calling
to say yey!
~
Oh wait. .
•
I forgot my broken foot
•
Oh yes. . My birthday was good.
~
I’m sure you’re thinking
Some pitiful thoughts
Either that or …
man that girl fibs alot!!!
~
How much shit can you think up girl?
•
You sad little sop.
•

Here is where I remind
of my promise to you.
•
I will not lie to me
•
nor to you.
~
Do you see all I’ve gone through? If I can make it?
So can you.
~
Doesn’t matter what hell
I’ve gone through.
•
What matters is hopefully
•
maybe
•
my story will help get you through
~
your sorrow, your grief, your pain.
~
Help you stand
AND
remember your name.
~
You’re allowed to sob
Curse the heavens
•
To blame. 
•
But in the end
You must stand tall in triumph
Not shame.
~
One thing I hope to get through to you now.
~
Life is hell
it’s ok to get blue.
~
But I promise
somehow
•
some day
•
You WILL make it through.
~
It’s not enough to simply survive
Find one simple good thing each day of your life.
~
A cloud.
Someone’s laugh
the smell of pie.
~
One day you will start to trive.
That is when ..
~
you will truly..
•
come alive.

Luna.