(warning, this may contain material unsuited for readers under the age of 18.)
-This is my Epic Lyrical Poem-
If You ever thought your life has been hell
sit back and enjoy the story I have to tell.
Believe me, I wish it were not all true
But I have come to far to Lie
to me, or to you.
It all started when I was born
To a girl who was forlorn
her parents made her give me away
well, she was too young anyway.
So a family took me home
I was molested before I hit one.
They had a son I still call my brother
it wasn’t long before they had another.
If I cried or peed the bed
in a dark van I stayed
that smelled of lead.
Than one day I was told I was bad
I had to leave the only home I ever had
At the tender age of three
Their employee came
and got me.
She took me home and held me tight.
When I cried I got a nightlight.
Instead of afraid that I did wrong
her and her husband sang me a song.
so I grew up in love and trust
They didn’t beat me when I made a fuss.
on a farm I grew up happy and free
with a lovong family.
But then…
I had a friend since third grade
a better pair couldn’t be made
We rode our bikes and swam in a pool
Little did I know
I would become the fool.
For one day a thought popped in his head
at the time, I wished I was dead.
We were freshman during that year
and when He raped me I called it the year of tears.
Lying beaten and broken on the floor
there was still much he had in store
He and his friends would creep at night
to my window to give me a fright
they would laugh and jeer for hours on end
I felt worse when I found I was pregnant.
I lost the baby on the desert floor
after a treat that they had in store.
I couldn’t tell my Mom nor Dad
growing up, He was the son they never had.
So one night I ran away
To a man who said I could stay.
He was my boyfriend of only three weeks
He took me away to live on the streets.
I DIDN’T like living in SIN
so a month Later I married him.
My parents did not know what to say
They just shook their heads and said okay.
Four months later I lost my twins
and something snapped inside of him.
by that time we had a trailer
he made me think
I was a failure.
Before I knew it
I was his slave
locked in a closet if I didn’t obey.
Drunk and High he hid that from me
though I was to cowed back then to see.
Than one day I was pregnant again
I still had to satisfy his every whim
The day after christmas
he took off for hours
Eight months pregnant I relaxed in the shower
When He came home I was fast asleep
until the mattress was pulled out from beneath me
He beat me for hours and I made to escape
Lucky is me I was being watched out for that day
For across the street were to cops
who just happened to make a pitstop
They heard me scream
and they came at a run
They grabbed his knife before
he had more fun.
A month later,
my daughter was born
a broken jaw and back I also brought home
I stayed though more beatings, prison and hate
before I realized it wasn’t to late
By that time my other daughter was born
and I swore to keep my children
safe from harm
Five years of hell came to and end.
Or did it my friend?
He swore when I left I would NEVER be free..
“OH YEAH? YOUR IN PRISON! WATCH ME!”
So I escaped while I still could
my parents SAID they understood.
I traveled two states
‘to do it again’
for there was his cousin
“I will protect you, N I won’t do nothin!”
He didn’t drink nor drugs to be had
I thought to myself
“he’s not half bad!”
But my EX got out and followed me
after months of torture
we decided to flee.
Back home to my family
new husband in tow
without someone to fight
his anger
started to grow
I didn’t know it because he hid it so well
He beat my children till they thought they were in hell.
I only found out late one night
when he came at me with a butcher knife
I grabbed my girls, ran barefoot in the night
five miles till I saw my parents front porch light.
I refused to let things happen again
I saw a judge and started to grin.
For me and my girls
things were starting to go right
though I still locked the doors and
boobytrapped things at night.
My girls started to grow
and I worked at a store
That’s where I found, Mi Amore.
A customer of mine asked me out for a dance.
I never stood a chance.
That poor man has seen me though
my eight death
pulled glass and fibers
out of my chest.
He Loved my girls
when For years I could not walk
He tells me of memories
that I have Lost.
To this day pain will drive me to bed
He just smiles and rubs my head.
There is so much more I could share with you
of all the times I have died, or just how hard
I have tried.
There is something That I want you to know
THIS IS HOW I KNOW I AM BLESSED.
I AM ALIVE!
and well….
You know the rest.
Luna – this is absolutely incredible … most would have given in/given up, but this strongly indicates you are a survivor in the greatest sense … God has a plan for you … and your inner self knows it … otherwise to survive the insurmountable would have been unrealistic! I am thrilled you are being honored and loved now … you deserve it and more! Blessings ~~
This was a rough read like you said. It was very brave of you to post. Please continue to carry on facing forward and let the past stay in the rearveiw mirror.
oh it’s way back there. 🙂
Heart wrenching but I love this woman soooo much for still being able to see how blessed she is! She will be blessed with so much more with her kind and grateful heart. Huggggggs and love to you Luna 🙂
I am hoping these words are fiction … I have never read a poem before which had me almost racing to the next line … a story, yet a poem. Enthralling. I have never said that about a poem before. I see someone’s suggested it remain untitled … if it isn’t fiction then perhaps that’s best? The only other word that comes to mind is Survivor. For Mi Amore provides love, trust, happiness and safety … but the victim is no longer a victim, she is a survivor, she is free and cherished. If this is, or is based on, fact then bless you and your beautiful family, you deserve so much happiness. 🙂
No this is not a work of fiction, sometimes I wish it was, but then I would not realize just how lucky I am to have survived it all. Thank you. what I want most of all is to be able to help just one person with my tale. Thank you for your kind words.
🙂
I am so sorry for the bad things you have had to endure. I am so pleased that you have now found happiness and, ultimately, safety. My login name is based on the acceptance that everything we go through makes us who we are, but I really am horrified at what you have been through. You are strong beyond words. Bless you 🙂
Luna, I am so honored Nimue emailed me this link. Your work speaks to me, cries out. Yours is the story of a real woman – a survivor, not a victim. Even if this woman (not assuming it is you, but if it is, YOU GO, GIRL) had not yet found the love of her life, if the story did not have a happy ending… I would say, “This woman deserves to be happy. It’s only a matter of time before she is graced with love.”
I would call it, “Survive, No Matter What,” or simply, “Survivor.” Whatever you name it, it is jarring, soul-stirring genius. Thank you and bless you,
Amy Barlow Liberatore
Amen! Amy. I honor her courage. hugs, pat
Wow. When your girls are old enough, you should share this with them. What a powerful tale of how abuse can affect the whole trajectory of someone’s life. Self-awareness and self-worth are the keys to not repeating the abuse you grew up with. Congratulations on breaking the cycle. I couldn’t possibly give you a title because it’s your story and it’s ongoing. If it needs a title, one will speak to you.
thank you Lola, i will think on it. 🙂
I am a sexual abuse survivor (my own father) and when the time was right, I did tell my daughter. Not to punish my dad or tarnish Riley’s memories, but because it helped her understand some of the weirdness in my personality she had to put up with before I got counseling and medical help for my PTSD. It also was my hope that she think on this before partnering with anyone, to look at the danger signs. So just some food for thought.
This poem is a masterpiece, and I am so honored you chose my title, Luna. Love, Amy
I agree with Ladynimue; a title would only give the reader an expectation and I think the story should speak for itself.
thank you!
Interesting you tag this ‘selfworth’. Someone is now worthy of you.
I wish you continued happiness.
Let it be untitled .. no words describe these lines perfectly !
This is a tale so amny would have gone through and kept silent ..
I am going to share it with a friend of mine. Hope you do not mind !
bless you !
Nimue, thank you SO MUCH for passing this link along. You knew I would come over here, because you know how much all of us share about our bumpy, sometimes scary, sometimes exhilarating roads on the journey… Love, Amy
no of course not! all are welcome here
Oh my Word! I do not know what to say! lol