Hello All. How I miss all your Poetry!
As most of you know I finished My 2nd book.
Than promtly slept for 6 days.
Category: questions
The reason I started this blog was to show that you can go through the worst things in the world and still come out okay.
I have NEVER thought of myself as a victim. Just someone that ALOT of bad things have happened within my life. Each thing making me more and more Happy to BE alive and appreciate things like the bird that landed on my shoulder and sang to me when I was camping in the forest, or the sunset that sets the sky ablaze. My daughters laugh, a roaring bonfire that lights up the night,singing in the rain, and life.
In my life I have seen So many people think their life is over because they experienced JUST ONE of the many things that I have survived.
I thought if just ONE PERSON can read what I’ve been through and realize that they too are gonna make it, than my life has had meaning . I have lived a good life.
I know I have accomplished that from my book.
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Trying to write my feeling out these past months as I cared for my mother was very painful but the thought always this one thought, (What if someone right now feels this way too?) Kept me writing.
July I was averaging 20 hours sleep a week
Aug. 10 hours.
It wasn’t just losing my mother, it was:
1. Losing the woman who when she first looked at me knew I was hers at 2 days old and Finally, 4yrs later, taking me home.
2. Losing the woman who put a broken girl back together and understood my need to always Be GOOD.
3. Having Her side of my family disown me while she was dying because they couldn’t understand why I could not honor her dying request.
4. Breaking my arm than having a family member severely sprain the other.
5. Having my treasured possessions smashed all over my home.
AND ALL OF THIS OCCURRING WHILE I HAD NOT SEEN MY HUSBAND IN 2 MONTHS, and with no sleep.
I feel like I had every right to crack up a little. To feel lost, betrayed, and alone. The most heartbreaking thing in all of it was I had lost my ability to write. THAT had me terrified to my core. But i knew if only i could just let go than it would come but i was afraid i could not.
So what happened this weekend was indeed terrifying and painful, and I’ve only been out of the hospital for 6hours now… let me tell you the good that came of this.
1. This woman now has 1 deed on record of her nature and if ANYONE ELSE has the courage to come forward in the future or past, She will not be able to hurt anyone else again!
2. It broke through my shell and I CAN WRITE AGAIN!
3. They found a tumor in my lung that would have gone unnoticed for who knows how long ,but found because they needed to know how badly I was bleeding internally.
4. Reminded me of the little things to be grateful for.
5. Maybe now I can help someone else in the future over similar.
I may expect people to be nice, and kind, I may trust first than guard later, But if I didn’t I would never find the gifts that I see daily. I may get hurt because of it, but I wouldn’t know how to change the Pollyanna in me even if I could. I need my faith in man whether it be a false faith or not, I truly believe We, mankind are GOOD.
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Now here are my questions:
Should I stay or should I go?
Should I continue writing here in the hope that someone will be helped?
Or shut it down because all you see is a victim?
Let me know, Please…
Thank you, blessings,
~Luna
